10.04.2016

Peaking in

I can't seem to fully leave this little virtual space of mine!

It's funny: when I began blogging, I was eager for an audience, eager for responses, eager to share my life's happenings. But in the nine (nine!) years since I wrote my first post, so much has changed. I've become much more private. I don't post much online anymore, anxious to keep what's mine, mine, but for the occasional Instagram picture of my cats. But I like being able to come back here and read what I've written, how I thought, what I was doing...so here's a little update :)

I'm at Yale now, starting to find my sea legs after a whirlwind first few weeks. I'm balancing feeling so, so, so, so (did I mention so?) so exhausted with being in school and taking exams and writing papers with the sheer joy I get from learning and being immersed in what I want to be doing — finally. The good far outweighs the stressful. I'm here, I'm doing it: studying to become a midwife, a women's health nurse practitioner, learning hand maneuvers for pelvic exams and the intricate pathways of the hypothalamus-pituitary-ovarian axis. It's amazing.

Of course, right now I'm procrastinating. I have two exams this coming Monday, and two papers due after that. I should be studying, researching, analyzing — but it's been nice, sitting here in the library, thinking about coming back to this space here and writing a bit. I'll leave with a picture of (what else) my cats, brothers I brought home in June, who have filled my time and life with happiness and black fur.

Moses and Ira

1.14.2016

Onward

2016 came in quietly. I sat around a card table in my parents' living room, having played cards with them and a friend for the past several hours, ending in us all just waiting for the clock to strike 12 so that we could wish each other a Happy New Year and go to sleep.

A quiet beginning to the new year. I like that.

Life continues move forward. My final semester of nursing school begins a week from today…it's almost unbelievable, as it truly seems like just yesterday I was discouraged thinking about the long road ahead of me to get to this point. And yet here I am, procrastinating organizing the seventeen million pieces of paper I had to print out today to get organized for the upcoming 15 weeks (I'm so sorry, trees), tweaking my CV for the zillionth time (how can I describe what I do concisely, uniquely, outstandingly?!), and drinking mint tea (with the sounds of the Hufflepuff common room playing softly in the background).

Quietly.

I'm applying to one school for next fall — Yale, to get my Master's in nursing. Chances are slim that I'll get in without clinical nursing experience, so I'm realistically expecting to get that small envelope of rejection come spring, work a few years, and reapply. Though I have to remind myself to take baby steps, because first I have to pass this final semester…

In the past year, I've watched two friends get married and have babies. A younger version of myself so desperately wanted that to be me, believing that there'd be no way I'd not have at least one baby on my hip by (almost) 27. And yet, as much as I'd love (love) to have a chubby-cheeked little one in my life, the best thing I can do right now is to finish my education. Lord knows what the next few years will bring, but I'm trying to stay at peace with where I am right now. Working, learning, studying.

Quietly.

More than anything, it feels good. It feels right. So I go onward.