In the thick of it

I've been re-reading my last post for the past few days. A gentle nudge from Cait led me to think about my blog, and while I've never forgotten about it, I feel like I've forgotten how to write in it. It's overwhelming to think about catching up, so I'll just jump in with the here and now. Starting as if we're in the middle of a conversation. That's what Kathleen Kelly would say, right?

So. Right now, I'm sitting across the street from the little yellow house I've spent the last 2.5 years living in. I babysat my neighbor tonight, a boisterous boy who calls me Auntie Hallie and who's getting so big I had to remind myself to bend with my knees to pick him up. Now he's asleep, and I'm procrastinating doing some schoolwork, and watching the never-ending snow fall out the windows.

I'm happy.

February is nearly over, and March is barreling into focus. That'll put us at the halfway point for this semester, my second of nursing school, which is just flying by absurdly quickly. Oh, it's consumed me in the most wonderful way. Truly. The first six weeks of school last September felt like I was constantly a hundred feet behind where I should be, while carrying hundred-pound weights on each shoulder, while being chased by a pack of savage beasts…underwater. But I got byyyy with a little help from my friennnds. And I found my rhythm, and adjusted to the coursework volume, and before I knew it the first semester was over. And now we're well into the second semester and I'm pretty sure I'll blink and it'll be time to take the NCLEX-RN exam (oh god I'm not ready).

I can honestly say that nursing school has been the best decision of my life thus far. I feel like I've discovered my purpose, and my spirit. It's challenging and terrifying and more work than I ever could have anticipated. But when I sit in class, eagerly lapping up every bit of information my professors dole out (except for the two weeks we spent on fluid and electrolyte balances, I could've taken or left those), or when I don my scrubs and walk through the doors of the hospital, I feel so driven. This is my purpose. If you'd have told me when I was in high school that I'd ever be so passionate about medicine, I'd have looked at you like you had four heads. But I love it. I really, truly love it.

So. That brings me here. I'm still wrangling toddlers by day, as the financial means to continue this education of mine. Class and clinical are in the evenings, so I have long days every day, but it's okay — because it's all things I enjoy. But I'm finding myself pulling away from my toddler-wrangling job, and instead wanting to do something more along the lines of birth work. I've been researching graduate schools with midwifery programs, and most of them require (or strongly encourage, underlined three times and with an exclamation point) a year's work in the field you're interested in. So right now, I'm walking toward a precipice: the edge of a giant mountain, where my financially safe toddler-wrangling job stays on one side and an opportunity to attend births, do labor or breastfeeding support, or work as a doula is on the other. It's a big leap, though, and I truthfully haven't figured out how to make it financially viable. But I'm hopeful. I'm ready.

And where does that leave this blog of mine? Well, it's seen me through all of my biggest life transitions. It's seen good, and bad, and good again. So I'm not ready to let go of it just yet. Here's to learning how to write, again.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Whoohooo! Glad to hear from you as well. I'm so excited that you are so far along in your nursing program, sounds like it is going well for you. It feels so far away for me still, so it's great to hear about the experiences others are having. Can't wait to hear more!