Today was the first day it's been chilly. I don't think the thermometer dipped below 65 degrees, but still, all day, I couldn't get warm enough. When I went outside to play with the children at work, the wind ate at me and I started shivering.
It's turning toward fall now, and with that comes a myriad of emotions. I always get a bit melancholy with the changing of the seasons — particularly happy summer into cooler fall. Add that to the lump of anxiety and depression I've been struggling under since moving here and let's just say I wanted to burrow into myself and hide in bed all day today.
I've started seeing a new therapist here in New Haven, and I have hope that I'll dig out of this period of anxiety and depression. And even when I lose sight of that hope, I have classes to go to on Mondays and Fridays, and work to be done every day. I've grown to love my twelve sweet kids at work, and I look forward to seeing them every day. If nothing else, it's seven hours a day where I can't focus solely on myself.
On the playground this afternoon, instead of burrowing into myself I stretched out and grabbed one of my sweet little ones for a quick game of tag. And then I pumped my legs on the tiny kid-sized swings while three of my toddler "helpers" pushed me. I felt a bit warmer then.
And now that I'm home, I'm going to make a cup of tea, put on warmer clothes, and snuggle down on the couch with a blanket to do biology homework (oh boy). The season will change whether I want it to or not, huh? The best I can do is embrace it, and my favorite parts of fall (scarves, boots, and delicious warm drinks at Starbucks that I can't afford). Because before I know it, summer will be here again.
What happy things can you think of about fall? I need some help finding positive things.
(On a semi-related note, today is World Suicide Prevention day. If you're struggling with any thoughts of self-harm, no matter how small or seemingly impossible, I urge you to speak up and get help. You can call 1-800-273-TALK, or visit The Bloggess to know you're not alone.)