It was heartbreaking saying goodbye to Clara and Lulu when I moved from Boston. I was crying, hard, and Clara, in her sweet 22-month-old attempt to figure out what was going on, pulled back from my tight hug, pointed her finger at the tears dripping down my cheek, and said, "Nass." Nass means 'wet' in German.

"Yes," I told her, nodding. "Nass. Nass because Hallie is so sad to leave you."

I was. I went back to my apartment and reunited with Cait, who'd said goodbye to her sweet girls that same day. We cried and cried that night, devastated to leave "our" babies.

Nannying is like that. You love these babies so, so incredibly much. But they're never yours — you always have to give them back. And, at some point, you always have to move on. As much as it hurts, you always have to say goodbye.

In this case, though, this goodbye was also a hello: I left one job and one life, and began a journey toward another. Cait and I traveled in July — first to Texas, than to New York — and then at the very end of the month packed up all our stuff, the two cats and Severus the beta fish, and drove to our new life in New Haven, CT.

Cait arrived here to go to Yale. I arrived here on a leap of faith. I had my bachelor's degree in hand, no job, rent to pay, and tuition for the two classes I'd signed up to go to at a community college. I sent out a flurry of resumes, landed myself a job a few weeks later, and here I am, the week before both my classes and my new job start, in my new home.

This semester I'm taking a basic biology class and an intermediate algebra class. I'm stretching myself back to my high school roots (though lord help me to do better now than I did when I was 15), and knocking a few pre-reqs for nursing school out of the way. Biology. Math. Lord help me lord help me lord help me.

My new job is at a nursery school a town over. I'm a co-teacher in a class of 12 toddlers. It's exciting, scary, radically different than nannying, but also very much the same. I have twelve kids to love on, but I also have lots of new rules to get used to (hello, I have to put on a pair of gloves every time I wipe a kid's nose. Which is constantly). But it's a wonderful school, very play-focused, and especially passionate about sensory and art experiences for the kids. I feel so lucky to be given the chance to teach there...but oy lordy, I'm skeered!

We've been in New Haven for 27 days now. Nearly a month. We've set up a cozy house, and I love being able to stretch out a bit in a bigger place. Our neighborhood is adorable, the cats love it here, the fish is doing swimmingly (lolol), and I'm happier and more relaxed than I have been in a long time. So life? It's pretty good.

Or at least it will be for another 10 days...at which point I go to my first math class. HELP.


Just me: A beautiful disaster! said...

That is the WORST part of being a nanny! I'm sorry. Good luck on your new adventure!

lexie said...

Awwwe I'm a nanny too, I just discovered your blog and am loving it, I can so relate. Check out mine if you get the chance xoxox

scs said...

Wow. I can only imagine how hard it must be. It really is hard being the nanny because you develop a strong emotional bond with the children. All the days and nights you guys spend together just develop into something closer and more emotional. And this bond is really painful when broken. Well, good luck in your new life! I wish all the best for you.
Sue Jason