That sigh of relief you hear? That's me. I NO LONGER FEEL LIKE I HAVE BUBBLES OF ESTROGEN PING-PONGING AROUND INSIDE MY BRAIN! THANK YOU JEEBUS (AND MY THERAPIST!).
Last Tuesday was...rough. Really rough. But as you guys said, the next day would be better. And it was — a lot. And Friday's therapy session kicked ass and took names and reminded me why I need to name my firstborn daughter after my psychologist. People like the name Nicole, right?
(Just kidding. You guys know I've had my baby names picked out for, like, a trillion years. And I'm not budging on them. Baby daddy ain't got no say, y'all.)
So since I left this completely unresolved, I thought I'd update on my job situation! Yahoo! JOBS! Or lack thereof! Please don't remind my roommate I owe her a large rent check in a week that I will be unable to pay!
AKA...yeah, I left my sweet Pius :( You guys, I'm so sad. His mom has texted me a few pictures of him since then and each one makes me about cry. I miss my little guy. I miss his chubby cheeks, his loooong legs (when I wore him in the Moby his feet came down to my knees), and his big smile. I miss how he fell asleep heavy in my arms and just completely sunk into me. I know it was no longer a good work environment...but I'm having a hard time moving on from this one.
I've been looking for jobs for a few weeks now, but haven't really been able to find anything that feels "right" and fits with my class hours/pays enough. I've taken a job for a 17-month-old girl named Clara, who is German and doesn't speak a word of English, but who is really sweet. I start with them on Monday, and I really don't know how I feel about it. I just know I need to be able to pay rent this month.
This whole being an adult thing is hard sometimes, yeah?
(Please know I use the term "adult" very, VERY loosely.)
But, because my Prozac seems to be helping tonight, here are good things in my life:
1) I have a job.
2) I have my best friend living upstairs. She's my sanity. I should name my daughter after HER. (Oh wait! I kind of am!)
3) There's a sweet funny boy named Andy who's been hanging around my life lately.
4) I have a great therapist.
5) I'm warm, safe, dry, full, and so loved and supported.
See? There are good things. And those good things help balance out the crazy hormone-driven breakdowns and the anxiety resulting from having to take a really low-paying job out of desperation. Because despite those breakdowns and that anxiety, I still have each of those five things listed above. And that's more than enough.
(I don't want to give the impression that I'm dreading this job I've taken. Clara is lovely, and I adore her parents. It's just the pay is low and the language barriers between all of us can be tricky. Anybody want to teach me German?)