So! I leave for good ol' conservative Tey-has tomorrow bright and early. I haven't been back to my home state for nearly a year. That's insane to me — how has a year passed so quickly? Slash, how come I keep getting older?
I've been kind of sort of maybe a little bit FUH-REAKING OUT about going back to Dallas lately. Like, imagine me collapsed in bed sobbing dramatically for absolutely no good reason while my best friend sympathetically pats me on the back (all the while justifiably rolling her eyes at me behind my back). That's happened several times in the past week. Or two days.
Here are some of my irrational anxieties:
* I AM FAT OH MY GOODNESS. I've gained weight since I saw my parents and sister in Michigan. The only logical conclusion I can draw from this is that I am a complete failure at life. Plus, you know, I'm still fat.
* My dog Max won't remember me. Seriously. I haven't seen him in a YEAR. I had a dream the other week that he totally didn't know me. Broke. my. heart. to. pieces.
* [food] [food] [food] [food] [food] [foodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodFOOD]
* Fat. (See first bullet point.)
But, since I am an eternal optimist, here are some things I am looking forward to about going to Texas:
* Warmer weather (please, jeebus)
* Free laundry (THANK YOU JEEBUS)
* My sister is getting her tonsils removed. I am looking forward to endless hours of making her do ridiculous things while she's all loopy on painkillers. Video and pictures to come, I SWEAR.
Look at me, y'all. I'm a regular Susie Sunshine 'round these here parts. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to panicking about the enormous size of my body BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR THAT FITS SO HOW CAN I PACK GUH.