Greetings from Texas

So...happy holidays! How have yours been? Mine have been VERY VERY EVENTFUL! Hey Santa, can you bring me some Xanax? THANKS!

First thing: this girl is without a doubt the strongest person I've ever met. If you could, go give her some love, please?

Second thing: my little sister had her tonsils and her adenoids out! OH, MY LOOPY DRUG-INDUCED GOODNESS, Y'ALL. She doesn't know this yet, but she promised to name her firstborn child after me and had my face tattooed onto her left butt cheek. Sister love!

Third thing: shit went down with my job with Pius. He's almost nine months old, delicious, chubby, still immobile (YES), and growing more fun every day. But last week, his mother treated me completely unprofessionally and inappropriately. She's apologized profusely, but right now I'm trying to decide whether or not to continue with the job. It's not a fun or easy decision.

Whatever happens, I know will be for the best...right now it's just pretty heartbreaking. I'd miss that baby boy something fierce if I were to leave, and I've cried many, many tears thinking about that. But I'm just not sure I should continue working there. :(

Fourth thing: Max the reindeer says hello. Or maybe he's begging for help to get out of the reindeer antlers. I'm not sure. Either way, he's cute.

Really, though, I'm happy and lucky and grateful for everything I have in life. And even though life throws shit our way (or our best friend's way), it can still be damn good. I'm wishing all of you the very best, and happy holidays as well. xo.


Going home: a post of irrational fears

So! I leave for good ol' conservative Tey-has tomorrow bright and early. I haven't been back to my home state for nearly a year. That's insane to me — how has a year passed so quickly? Slash, how come I keep getting older?

I've been kind of sort of maybe a little bit FUH-REAKING OUT about going back to Dallas lately. Like, imagine me collapsed in bed sobbing dramatically for absolutely no good reason while my best friend sympathetically pats me on the back (all the while justifiably rolling her eyes at me behind my back). That's happened several times in the past week. Or two days.

Here are some of my irrational anxieties:

* I AM FAT OH MY GOODNESS. I've gained weight since I saw my parents and sister in Michigan. The only logical conclusion I can draw from this is that I am a complete failure at life. Plus, you know, I'm still fat.

* My dog Max won't remember me. Seriously. I haven't seen him in a YEAR. I had a dream the other week that he totally didn't know me. Broke. my. heart. to. pieces.

* [food] [food] [food] [food] [food] [foodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodFOOD]

* Fat. (See first bullet point.)

But, since I am an eternal optimist, here are some things I am looking forward to about going to Texas:

* Warmer weather (please, jeebus)

* Free laundry (THANK YOU JEEBUS)

* My sister is getting her tonsils removed. I am looking forward to endless hours of making her do ridiculous things while she's all loopy on painkillers. Video and pictures to come, I SWEAR.

Look at me, y'all. I'm a regular Susie Sunshine 'round these here parts. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to panicking about the enormous size of my body BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR THAT FITS SO HOW CAN I PACK GUH.


Parenting done right

This? Is beyond incredible. This is how I aspire to parent my future children.

Led by the child who simply knew


Oh hi! Remember me?

You guys, I swear I'm still alive and functioning. And sweet jeebus, I know I haven't written in ten years but 1) work and 2) work and 3) work and 4) I have to keep up blogs for school and when you have to blog as homework it totally makes you not want to blog at all and 5) WORK.


Seriously. I have amazing happy stories that I got after my last post to put up (I will, I swear, at some point in my lifetime). I have happy news to share with you guys (um hi, my best friend moved to my city and is currently living with me (!!!!) which is. um. just. amazing). In two weeks, I'll have just one semester of college separating me from being a college graduate.


I started this blog before I had even convinced myself to go to college. And now, come May, I will be walking across a stage and they will be handing me a diploma WITH MY NAME ON IT and oh, my goodness, I have to become a real live adult then. WHAT.

• I like bullet points, so let's use those for the rest of the post!

• Update on Pius! You guys, I'm pretty sure this baby hung the moon and the stars and then some. He's almost 8 months old (ALSO WHAT), has two adorable teeth poking through on the bottom, sits up like a champ, is (thankgoodness) nowhere near crawling, and is finally warming up to the idea of baby food. I look forward to seeing him each day, even when he's Mr. Crankypants, because he's just so damn cute. My boy.

• Update on best friend: she's here, she keeps me sane, and she's pretty much the bee's knees.

• Update on my (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) love life: I have a date tomorrow night with a funny boy. Details TBD.

• Update on my mental state: thank god for my therapist.

• Update on this blog: I will be back soon. Promise. Swear. It's been weird not being here this past month and a half. So here I am.