This is actually my favorite thing ever.

So, um, there's no way to get into this without getting awkward. So I'm just going to type it out REALLY QUICKLY and then we're going to forget about it and move on, okay? Because the awkward bit leads to my FAVORITE THING EVER.

Here goes.

About a month ago, I was informed by one of my, um, partners that I should probably get tested for the human papilloma virus (HPV). So naturally, I told my sister about it, because what little sister doesn't want to know her big sister may have an STD?


So while I was waiting to get the results back from the test, my sister very anxiously texted to ask me when I'd hear. And I was like "I dunno, Planned Parenthood said a few days," and she remarked on how incredibly calm I was during all this.

And I was all, "What do you mean?" And she said that if she was me, she would be completely panicking. And I asked why? HPV would be a bummer, but not the end of the world

And then this happened:

silly sissy!

I honestly don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life.

To my darling sister: I love you so, but we are having a sex ed talk the next time I see you.

P.S. I'm clean! FIST PUMP! Practice safe sex, kids!



All that and a barrel of laughs

So lately I've been feeling this calmness, this peace, this lightness, and oh, y'all, it's been lovely.

Maybe it's that I've hit the right dosage of Prozac, or maybe it's because I've got the world's best therapist (SERIOUSLY, you all should see her), or maybe it's because the stress of the school year is done and I'm relaxing into summer, or maybe it's because I'm getting more than 2 hours of sleep a night, or maybe it's because my astrological symbols are lining up in harmony with the tide, or WHATEVER: I'm just damn grateful for it.

My life has this soothing monotony to it. My alarm goes off at 7:10 a.m. Monday through Friday. I'm at work in the Admission office by 8:45 a.m. I'm there til 1:45, and then I go straight to Pius' house. I'm with my Pi-boy until between 6:30 and 7:30, and I'm almost always home by 8 p.m. And then I collapse and read books (actual books! for pleasure! I have time for that now! IT'S AMAZING!) and then go to sleep.


And then, oh y'all, GUESS WHAT: I ACTUALLY HAVE WEEKENDS! I have two separate days that are usually relatively free of stress! I don't have to worry about homework or papers or anything! I get to sleep in! And read! And drink massive amounts of coffee! IT IS LOVELY!

So what I'm saying, I guess, is: Summer 2011? Let's make out.

* * * *

I've been taking tons of pictures of Pius lately, because oh my lord he is just the most precious. I've been sharing them all with his parents, and they actually used all pictures I took on his birth announcement! RAWKIN' EGO BOOST, YO. But his mom mentioned (in passing one day) that she didn't want any pictures of him going on the internet, so I'm beyond devastated that I can't share them with you :(

You'll just have to trust me when I say he is actually a dumpling. He's 11 weeks old tomorrow, smiling up a storm, and weighs about 16 lbs. HOLY CHUB, batman. I'm in love.

So right now, in this moment, life is good. I'm damn grateful, and I'm drinking up every minute of happy that I can.

P.S. I'm even starting to appreciate the damn cuteness of the mouse who lives (illegally) in our apartment. He's got balls, this mouse — and no, I'm not talking about his sex, cause I haven't gotten close enough to look — but rather, he'll scamper right out to the middle of the room and just look at us. He's all, "Dude. I'm a mouse. In your house (apartment). DEAL."

We only put up with him because he has adorably large ears. And he always pays his share of the rent on time.


I'm a lucky girl.

I have an amazing mother. But also have an amazing father who is always there to comfort, validate, and love me. I'm so damn lucky.

baby hallie and dad
My dad and teeny-tiny me (in his lap). Dad, I can't believe how much hair you had! Too bad you don't have any anymore! LOVE YOU!

Happy father's day.


After 22 years, I discovered I was a twin

(Erm. Not biologically. You can start breathing again, mom and dad. No worries.)

But yeah: I'm pretty positive I've found my platonic soul mate/equal/twin in life. And her name is Cait. And oh, you guys, I love this girl.

Have you ever met someone who you just instantly feel like you know? And that you've known forever? Who you feel this instant crazy connection to? Who is just as weird/crazy/etc. as you are?


Dear lord in heaven, thank you for this girl. She gets me. She's basically me, but taller, and more awesome. She's a nanny in New York City, first of all. That's how she found my blog — a google search on nannies. (THANK YOU GOOGLE!) Second of all, she wants to become a midwife. UM HI. I'M THE NANNY WHO WANTS TO BECOME A MIDWIFE.

Plus she's hilarious, so kind, loving, and sweet. I kind of have an enormous crush on her. But no worries, it's platonic, because I also l-o-v-e LOVE her fiancee, Alix. Who is also awesome, and hilarious, and did I mention awesome?

Guys, I thank the universe every gosh darn day for putting these two girls in my life. And their two fur babies — my surrogate nephews, Rupert (black lab & daschund mix — SERIOUSLY cannot handle the cuteness) and Tucker (cat who enjoys licking my ears and biting me. See also: the only feline I'd ever consider for bestiality. (KIDDING MOM AND DAD!))

Sometimes, the universe gives us a lot of shit. And sometimes, it sends friends like Cait (and Alix) along to redeem itself. TRUTH.

Y'all, I'm calling it now. One day in the near future, you'll see Cait and me in business together. We'll have our own midwifery practice, and we'll catch babies and raise our own babies (Alix has promised to find me a babydaddy) together on a commune out in the boondocks. Y'all, I cannot wait. I smile so big every time I think of what's to come in life.

All right, universe. Well done. And also...can you work it out so that everyone has friends like this?

I wanted a picture with both Rupert and Tucker. Which proved to be impossible, because apparently trying to hold both a dog and a cat at the same time can lead to mild chaos. Alix (on the left) tried to help me corral the beasts, but...we were unsuccessful. Sigh.