I swear! I am! I'm here! And I have no good excuse for why I haven't blogged in like 14 years except for the fact that I'm lazy!


Right now I'm sitting on Cait and Alix's couch in NYC listening to this song while Cait is being all productive and folding laundry and I'm wasting time on Teh Intranets.

Life is good.

Two things have happened since I updated last:

1) I decided on a blog name for my baby! I, like, legitimately have been thinking about this for three weeks. Trying to figure out what fits him and his calm personality and gigantic blue eyes and sweet sweet cuddly self. And today, no joke, a name popped into my head, and I was simultaneously like "really?!" and also like "THAT'S IT" so I'm going with it once and for all. My boy's blog name will be Pius. Pi for short. I think it fits him, even though I have NO clue where that name came from.

He's six weeks old now, and starting to smile. And he's also really starting to look at us, and focus on our faces, and ohmygoodness I MELT when he just stares into my eyes. I could just eat him with a spoon.

2) I got another tattoo! I'd been wanting one for over a year (since I got my first one), I just hadn't know what I wanted. I really wanted to incorporate something with recovering from my eating disorder, and about a month ago, I started sketching out the design until I was happy with it.

Then, when I was in NYC a few weeks ago visiting Cait and Alix, we decided to go get our tattoos one night. So we went to this tattoo parlor where this guy named Ozzi was the artist available (and um, hey, awesome name dude) and I showed him my sketches and where I wanted it and he was like "aight, homedog" except he didn't really say that but I imagine that's what he was thinking.

And y'all. Let me just tell you. I wanted the tattoo on my hip bone, and when I lay down for Ozzi to start working he was like, "Okay. So. Because of the placement of this tattoo, you can't talk or laugh while I'm inking you. And you need to breathe in slow, deep breaths." And I was like "GREAT." But Cait and Alix channeled their inner doula selves and talked me through the pain and I focused on my breathing and y'all, I am going to RAWK at natural childbirth. Cause I'm SURE the pain is comparable. Right? RIGHT?

Anyway, here's what I ended up with:

(Sorry for the crappy cell phone pic!)

The outside lines of the design itself is the eating disorder recovery symbol, and I drew in the quasi yin yang to symbolize the balance of recovery and of life — the light and dark of each. Because that's what recovery is — it's an up-and-down battle. But I'm committed to it, and that's why I wanted this permanently on my body. I absolutely love it.

SO. Apologies for the novel-length blog post, but that's what's up in my life. Right now, I'm going to watch Friends on the couch while Cait continues to fold laundry. I'm such a good guest.


Nanny nerd: RIGHT HERE.

So YES, I still have to blog about this past weekend, INCLUDING my new tattoo (!!!) and two truly amazing girls. And I will, I promise, but it's 1:46 a.m. and I need to get to sleep so I'm just throwing this picture up cause y'all. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY.

I was with the baby (who still doesn't have a blog nickname), and I wanted to wear him to put him to sleep. On Monday when I was there, I wore him in a Moby wrap, but his mom helped me put it on (cause hi, they're kinda intimidating). And I have my own Moby wrap that they gave me.

So today I decided I was going to try to get the little guy in there myself. AND I DID IT. ON THE FIRST TRY. LOOK WHO'S MASTERED THE MOBY WRAP. And guess whose baby slept for 2.5 hours in it! SCORE.


My new boy

I have another post about my amazing weekend to put up and I SWEAR I WILL but first, I just had to introduce you to someone — my new little baby boy. He's one month and 3 days old. FREAKING AWW.

P.S. Any ideas for a blog nickname?


Love her so.

Happy mother's day to my amazing mom. I love you so much.

mom + me

Happy mother's day to all who are celebrating today with their own mothers or babies. And happy mother's day to all who are celebrating without their mothers or babies on this earth — know that I'm thinking of you and sending you love.


Dear time: slowdown. KTHXBAI.

So I'm sitting here and it's 2:00 a.m. on the night before (or, rather, morning of) my last day of my junior year of college.

'Scuse me while I start crying, ok? Ok.

Cause y'all. I just decided I was going to go, like, YESTERDAY. How has it been three years already?!

A few weeks ago, I registered for classes for my senior year. My senior year. I can't even wrap my brain around that. I love this school so much, and I've loved the last three years SO. MUCH. and Idon'twannagrowupandleave!

I'm going to get all sentimental and sappy here for a second. But this school, from the second my high school guidance counselor told me about it, has been my dream school. It was the only place I applied (thank GOD I got in), and even though it's been challenging, I don't regret one second of my time here. This school is the first place where I've felt I could thrive academically, and fit in completely — socially, politically, and otherwise.

This school has made this city my home. It's given me some of the best friends in the world. It's given me an amazing job and an incredible education.

So even now, when I'm sitting here facing an all-nighter (why am I blogging?!?!?!) to get ready for tomorrow's final exam, final paper, and final portfolio that are due, I still feel happy and at peace. Because this place, this school...this is me.

I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

P.S. Check out this video — at 0:42 in, that's my school (and me) chanting that it gets better!!!


An open letter to myself:

Dear self,

First of all, why are you blogging? You have a final paper to write, a final presentation to put together, a final exam to study for, a final portfolio to finish and put together, and a massive final project that's somehow on the epic scale of insanity.

Second of all, here's a pro tip: never shotgun-style down two VERY STRONG cups of coffee and then decide to blog. Aha. Ahahaha. (Sorry guys.)


I would like to congratulate you on making it through this year thus far. Cause you've had a fair bit of shit dealt your way, and have given in to more than your fair share of pity parties, but you know what? You got through. And you're getting through. And you know what? You're pretty damn lucky.

You have amazing friends. You have an amazing family. You have an incredible support system. You go to a school you love, have a job you love, and will soon be starting a new nanny job with a tiny baby (LOVE). You have (most of) your sanity. You have a body that continues to let you get out of bed and celebrate each day despite what you've done/do to it.

You have a great apartment in an awesome neighborhood. You have every season of Gilmore Girls at your fingertips. You have the world's most bad-ass betta fish named Severus. And you have coffee. Sweet, sweet coffee.

So yeah. There have been some downs. But there have been so many ups. Remember that. Hold on to that. Because that's what gets you through.

So. Chin up, self. Plug through these last few days of final everythings, and remember to enjoy all the happy things in life. Because they're always there.

And...work on loving yourself just the way you are now.


P.S. I swear I'm not begging for comments, but I do want to know what some of the happy things (big or small) in your life are. Please share?

P.P.S. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who was affected by the storms in the south. My family in Alabama is okay, but so many people's aren't. I'm sending you all love.