2.27.2011

I love a good breakthrough

So today I was lying horizontal on the couch (my norm these days), feeling rather sorry for myself and very much in a funk. And I was procrastinating homework and wasting time on the internet and looking through a friend's Tumblr.

And one of the things she had posted was this question: "Do you like who you've become?"

And at first I kind of rolled my eyes and went to the next post, but then some little thing in my brain was like WAIT, LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS.

So I did. I sat and thought. And I realized that right now, I'm happy(ish). For the most part I am. I just don't like who/what I've become right now. But that's okay, because that's fixable.

So I decided to make a list of what I disliked most about myself — what I needed to change to like myself better. Here is the list:

1) get the eating disorders under control.

And boom. A weight literally felt like it was lifted off my shoulders. I've been walking around for the past month freaking out because while I feel happy (thanks, Prozac!), I'm not happy. But the truth is, I am happy. Just not really with myself.

(Does that make sense? In my head it does, but lord knows that my head isn't the most stable place in the world...)

But I can become happier with myself. And right now, that means getting the fucking eating disorders under control.

There's the motivation I needed. Living with eating disorders is a second-by-second battle. But I'm tired of living this way.

Fuck this, I'm ready to fight.

(Thank you all so much for the love.)

7 comments:

BrownEyedSchemer said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCj9dRu0ksM

nodnarB! said...

You got this girl! xoxox

Debbie said...

Oops that was really me not B. But he says it to. He sends his love as well.

Angie said...

Wishing u all the best from a sister that's been where u are right now. So much love. <3

Anonymous said...

"It's not the load that breaks you down - it's the way you carry it." ~Lena Horne

You go, girl!

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