First of all, THANK YOU for your comments on my weighty post. I'm kind of working on a follow-up. In the meantime, I love you all, and MARGARITAS ON ME. Take one!
Second of all, I'm going to file this current post solidly in the "first world problems" category. So read this with that in mind.
Sasha, my beloved 3G iPhone, my baby, my love, has been acting up lately.
It started about 6 weeks ago. She'd drop every. single. call. I made. And her apps would freeze and quit constantly. And I would cry each time and say, "WHY, Sasha, WHY do you torture your mommy so?!"
So when the 4.0 update came up, I figured maybe her software was outdated and that's what was causing the problems. So I updated my little 3G baby to the 4.0 update.
BAD MISTAKE. BAD iPHONE MOMMY.
In retrospect, I liken it to throwing a kindergartner into the middle of a 400-level college physics class. Oops. Sorry, Sash.
Even though she wasn't dropping calls anymore, Sasha's apps were still freezing and quitting all. the. time. And let's just be honest here, our relationship was struggling. I was *trying* to work with her, but then she'd get all cold and freeze and quit on me, and then we'd yell at each other and then just go to bed angry and it wasn't good for ANYBODY involved.
So I made an appointment at the Genius Bar at the Apple Store for Sasha and me. And then this is where the story gets fuzzy because hi, I'm a bit of a technology dud. So the Geniuses did a little dance, made a little love, and got down with my Sasha.
(In actuality, I have NO clue what they did to make her better. I just stood there and nodded.)
Anyway, whatever they did didn't work. So I took it back again. And they did something else. Which also didn't work. And so at the risk of booting Sasha out of my house because HELLO, if she's gonna be my iPhone partner, SHE'S GOTTA WORK WITH ME, I took her in one more time tonight.
And as I explained my situation for the fourth time to the Genius behind the counter, I got nervous. Because I could see the look in his eyes, and you all, it was not a happy look.
Then he told me that there was nothing more he could do with Sasha. And that I had to get a NEW (free) PHONE.
*CUE MY SUDDEN INTAKE OF BREATH*
Sasha? No more Sasha? My first iPhone? My baby?
But there truly was nothing to be done. So the Genius pulled out a shiny new 3G and I prepared to say goodbye to my little Sasha fierce.
The worst part, though? Oh, you guys, it's hard for me to even write it.
I was the one who had to erase Sasha's memory.
That's right. The Genius made ME double click that awful DELETE ALL CONTENTS AND MEMORY button. When he told me that, oh y'all, I wanted to put my head down on the bar and weep. And I also wished that it was a different type of bar. Because MOMMY NEEDED A GLASS OF RED WINE ABOUT THEN.
But I did it. I took a deep breath, kissed my baby Sasha, and erased her contents. And then I took my new baby, Sasha II, and left the store.
Now I'm sitting here with Sasha II. I know Sasha I isn't struggling anymore with apps that freeze and quit. And now she's on her way to iPhone heaven.
Mommy loves you, my little Sasha fierce. RIP.