All growed up

It's odd, this age of mine.

I mean, I'm at a perfectly normal age. College-age. But it's weird how I can fluctuate between teenager (even though I'm not one anymore) and grownup mentality given circumstances.

When I'm off at school, I'm a grownup. (Er...at least, as much as a grownup as you can be when you play MarioKart on a daily basis.) I pay my own bills, run my own errands, do my own laundry, the norm.

When I'm at home (and this counts the past two summers) and nannying, I'm a grownup. I have the health, safety and well-being of other human beings in my responsibility. And while I have a blast (most of the time, haha) doing that, I am still constantly on alert. Feeding, playing with, mediating for, hugging, comforting, occasionally doctoring, etc., the kids I am responsible for.

When I'm at home at my house, my parents treat me like an adult. I'll run errands for them as needed. I'll do my own laundry as needed (STOP LAUGHING, MOM AND DAD--I TOTALLY WILL). I keep track of my own bills, keep my room (fairly) straight (no really, Mom and Dad, STOP LAUGHING), and, y'know, all that grownup-y stuff.

And yet: I'm not quite a grownup. I don't have a house or a mortgage (though I do have massive tuition payments and a significant chunk of debt looming over me). I don't have kids--the bonus of being a nanny is that you can hand them back to their parents at the end of the day. I still have my dad to kill cockroaches for me.

I can vote, smoke, buy porn, have abortions (NOT THAT I WOULD. Just legally, I could), I can gamble, I can buy guns (again: not that I would. REALLY), and I can go to war.

I can't, however, buy alcohol (yet) or rent a car.

It's weird: when I'm with family, and I transition back into the 'kid' role. I'm sillier, gigglier, (my sister would say 'annoyingier')...it's bizarre, and kind of hard to explain. I think it's because most of my extended relatives do look at me and consider me still a kid.

I do wonder if I'll always be a kid in their eyes.

Well, yeah, probably. Since I'll be 4'11 for the rest of my life.


Anonymous said...

I'm well beyond the mid-century mark and I still have not "grown up". I'm an adult and am responsible (HA) and all of that, but I'm still a kid.

That's a feature.

You're doing just fine in my eyes.

Loving you lots.

And proud of you.


Anonymous said...

Enjoy every second of it!!! I did not enjoy that time of my life enough!

Anonymous said...

Oh, hell. I still play the different roles. And I'm in my 30s! You can choose to grow up all the time or just do it when you HAVE to. I like to be silly and fun and I still don't think of myself as being a grownup even though I've long passed the age where EVERYONE considers me on.

Kaitlyn said...

Totally agree!

Anonymous said...

Like others said, it doesn't go away sweetie. That disjointed feeling, of playing different roles, of *being* different people depending on the situation...it doesn't go away. It actually took me awhile not to feel like a fraud when I act a certain way in the classroom and a different way as a mother to my children and a very different way when I'm out socializing with the girls. :) I felt like I was "pretending" at roles, and wondered which was the authentic me.

It's all the authentic me. I just adapt to certain situations and the roles I play.

Love this post.

Erin O. said...

Love this post!

Monica H said...

I'm 27 but I still feel like a kid sometimes around certain family members- mostly aunts and uncles.

I guess because I've always seen them as much older than I am and even though I've grown up and aged so have they.

It is indeed weird.

Anonymous said...

I'm 24 and can do all of that except rent a car..except from Hertz..Haha!

I have my 'kid' moments. mostly with the kids I watch or with the little ones in my family.

It's fun and I love it.

I know when to be an adult..and when I don't really need to be one.

:) Enjoy it.

Stephany said...

I totally get you! Awesome post!