4.16.2009

Damn, I already used that title

I was going to call this post "a weighty issue," but apparently I already titled something that.

Huh.

I was thinking tonight. (I know, what a concept, right?) I was thinking about just how much more comfortable I feel about myself now that I'm at college. Appearance-wise.

Up here, I don't mind my thunder thighs. I embrace my beautiful bubble belly. While I'd love for my arms to be more toned, it's not the end of the world that they're not. And my chipmunk cheeks? Eh, my mom says they're cute.

I'm so much more comfortable up here because I'm not alone in my size. There are girls here of EVERY shape. There are girls who are smaller than I, sure. But there are girls my size. And there are girls who are bigger. And you know what?

Those girls, those bigger girls (myself included), they're not ostracized. People pay attention to them. And listen to them. Boys talk to them, are friends with them. Still, nearly 8 months since I've moved up to college, this still surprises me. And delights me, to be honest.

My high school was filled with girls who if they weren't a size 2, they were a size 0. Or they'd dipped down into the negative sizes (they exist. Really). They were all blonde with perfect skin, bright white teeth, manicured nails, flawless makeup. I, formerly at a size 12, was the biggest girl in the grade. Who didn't dye her hair. Who had never (and still has never) had a manicure. Whose makeup was quickly applied in the car on the way to school. I never felt pretty in high school. I felt ugly and fat.

I suppose that's another thing I've learned since being at college. I am not defined by my size. And people do not judge me for it.

I've caught myself looking around quite a few times lately, thinking, "My GOD, I'm just so happy to be me."

And that? Is one of the best feelings in the world.

5 comments:

Minivan Mom said...

I love this post Nanny. I worry about moving to Dallas with that. I really do. Here in Austin, I'm not necessarily personally happy with my body/looks (not Austin's fault. I've never been that way!) but I AM worried it will be exacerbated up there. People take fashion and appearance way more seriously in the big D, and frankly, that's not me. Never has, never will be.

I DO think people are, in general, less focused on appearance in Dream City, and I miss that. I'm so happy that you are more comfortable there (and I think you're beautiful).

And I also really really really miss celebrating the Day of Silence. We did it every year at my Rhode Island high school. Not a peep about it (oh, the irony) at my Texas high school.

Anonymous said...

go nanny!
way to go really good always feel good about yourself
i believe ya about DSCity vs texas
there are lots of changes when u go to a more shall we say " open" place!

Kaitlyn said...

I'm proud of you. I wish I could find that kind of strength in myself. I'm obsessed with getting down to 130, and at 5'9" the smart part of my brain tells me to shut the f*** up. The eating disordered (not an eating disorder, just disordered perceptions of weight and eating) warns me that I do NOT EVER want to be soft and squishy.

My name is Kaitlyn, and I have serious issues. :)

Either way, I think it is truly wonderful. It's taken me a few years to get past that annoying prejudice in my head, but I truly do think that your body (and your cheeks) is/are GORGEOUS and PERFECT.

Monica H said...

I love this post. This is so awesome. I'm moving up to DreamSchoolCity!

Not to be judgemental, but I think part of it has to do with where in Texas you lived. We're not all like that, although I know who you're talking about. Ugh.

I love you being comfortable with you!

lifeofadancer312 said...

I love this post.

Can I move up there with you?