Shaky ground

Just as I was finding some peace & closure about my whole Mrs. & Mr. R. situation (thinking maybe things are just over; there'll be no more drama, no more seeing them, and finally being okay with it), I got an e-mail from Mrs. R. My e-mail server is down or I'd post it now, so I'll have to post it later. But basically it was happy-go-lucky and like nothing was wrong. She hoped I'd had a good time on my trip. She also said she had forgotten about the stroller and thanked me for reminding her about it. She said something like "the girls were so excited to see me," and she hoped I could come over sometime next week for a while.

It was a nice, pleasant e-mail. It's like the e-mails we exchanged last week never happened.

I was angry at first, then upset--I kind of hoped this was all over. And I'm still mad about what they said to me. I hate that it seems like they've gotten over it. I haven't replied, but at this point this has just been so sucky that I want it all behind me. As much as I want to see the girls and say goodbye, I really had gotten comfortable with thinking that I wouldn't be able to again.

I realize at this point that I'm acting immature, and that bugs me. I should just suck it up and go over there. I just don't know what they've told the girls about me and I'd rather not spend time with Mr. & Mrs. R.

What do you say, guys? I felt like the shaky ground that I've been walking on for the past week was finally starting to solidify--but now it's like the ground has been pulled out from under me.

Please tell me if I'm being immature or wrong. I hate this.


Monica H said...

I don't think it's about being "immature or wrong".

I think she realized she was being an ass and is trying to be nice so you'll forget about what a toad she was last week. Even though you have been thinking about it this whole week, (and I bet she was too) she's just trying to play it off as if nothing happened.

Maybe so they can talk you in to staying? Maybe so you'll babysit in the future? Maybe because she just doesn't know how to apologize for her behavior?

I really don't know, what to tell you, but I do hope you do say goodbye to the girls. I think they need closure as much as you do. And it doesn't matter what Mr. and Mrs. R have told them about you, because you can't control what they tell their children. And they can't control what A. and E. think of you (which is a really good caring nanny).

Hang in there :)

The Nanny said...

Monica, thank you for your good points. That really just might be it about Mrs. R.; I hadn't thought about it that way. And thank you for reminding me that the girls need closure as much as I do--I had forgotten about that and I'm ashamed to admit it!

Thanks for your support.

pithydithy said...

Hi hon. Sorry that I have been delinquent in the comments section! I was forcibly parted from internet over Christmas and then when I returned I forgot that you'd gone private and kept waiting for an entry to pop up in bloglines! Anyway, I've now caught up on everything and boy howdy did you decided to have some drama while I was away! I'm sorry that leaving the R's was so hard and emotional. You're doing what's right for you and there's nothing wrong with that. I hope that as the days pass you feel more at peace with everything. Did you ever get to say goodbye to the girls? To respond to the Rs?

In all honesty, I'll say that I think I would write them a letter explaining why you are leaving, but very judiciously and non-judgementaly. Otherwise you may have a hard time getting a decent letter of recommendation for a future nanny job given that Mrs. R feels bewildered that you left without explaining why. Perhaps write something about how your values and desires don't match with theirs, but being careful not to insinuate that you think they're terrible parents (even if you do.)